by circlhill » Sun Dec 05, 2010 6:03 am Since I was about 6 or 7 I've have these bouts of internal rage and desire to dominate small animals. The first instance I can remember was this aggressive behavior towards a cat. I would act coy and intense towards it, scaring it into hiding under the bed for example. The more scared and "week" it appeared, the more antagonized and intensely involved with prowling after it I would become. I never hurt the cat but wanted to. Still to this day I have the tendency to do this, but know that it is wrong. Although, I never feel guilty about having the thoughts of doing so.
The same goes for past relationships with women, in terms of guiltless hurting. I get involved, and love the person very much, but at the same time do subtle things to push them away. This subterfuge ultimately lands the relationship in a confusing state of worry and misunderstanding, and my partner's efforts to fix things just makes it worse. At that point in the process I feel no guilt, and revel the other person's sadness, disappointment, and hurt. It's kinda like taking the one thing they have always wished for in life and completely spoiling it for them.
My question: What the hell is wrong with me?circlhillConsumer 0
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