Is it my problem?

by amiangry » Fri Oct 29, 2010 7:39 am

I've had anger issues since my early teens, I'd like to think I've grown out of it, or learned to control it better, however lately I find myself losing control.

I'll try and keep this concise, probably won't work but I'll try.

What triggers it, I believe, is hypocritical behavior on my parters part, or what I view as hypocritical behavior anyways. Anytime she wants to have a 'discussion' its about her issues and what she has a problem with. However, if I try to bring up something that I have a problem with, its somehow NOT her fault and I need to take care of it myself. For instance, I brought up that a certain action of hers makes me angry, and she retorts with something along the lines of "well you're placing the blame on me, you're saying that I MAKE you feel this way. I don't MAKE you feel anything.Its YOUR feelings that you need to control and I have nothing to do with that".

Whereas, if calling her a Bword makes her feel insulted, I would try not to do that. But if her action makes me feel angry, thats MY problem? Why cant she just stop doing that?

Another thing, I try as hard as I can to let her do her thing, go out with friends, do whatever. I'll stay home with the kids, thats no big deal. But pretty much any time I want to do something, it interferes with her plans, or doesn't sit right with her, or upsets her in some way. For instance, on my birthday, I decided to go by a friends house during the evening for a few drinks. She is upset because I'm not there to help her with her homework. Leads to a big arguement, blah. There are times I try to inform her of plans that I have, well in advance, and she'll retort with "Thats alright, I'll arrange my schedule according to YOUR plans, just like I always do." - which isn't true in the slightest from MY perception. I go to work, I come home. That pretty much sums up my 'plans' for the most part.

THE main issue here is, anything I bring up is turned around and made out to be my fault. MY perception of the situation is wrong, MY understanding of what is said is wrong, the way MY feelings arise is wrong. I feel as though I cannot win, and it just makes me that much more angry.

So, what I've been doing about it is bottling it up. Which I know is not the right way to do it, but expressing it almost always leads to a fight and I end up angrier than I started.

A couple times I've gotten physically violent, while intoxicated. doing things I would never do sober. We got into a fight both parties drunk one night, and she came at me. I didn't hit her, I just deflected her... which I'm somewhat bigger and stronger, so my deflections landed her into some furniture and such. I felt horrible, so horrible that I immediately went down to the Police Station and had them arrest me (which is a whole other story, it blew their minds... )

I feel as though I'm approaching a point where I may black out (has happened when I was younger) and do something I may totally regret. I don't want to reach that point.

I just need to know, I need a third party perception here. Is she right? Could my perception of events and conversation be that skewed? Is it possible to control your emotional reaction to certain things?

The way I see it, I cannot help that something makes me angry, I can only help how I relay that anger, or express it. I cannot help the anger itself, can I?amiangryConsumer 0