How can I ever get over what happened to me?

by Ahriman » Sat Nov 20, 2010 2:34 pm

Hi, I'm new to the site, and I don't know how to say this so I'm going to just jump in with both feet and go for it. Although I have been suicidal over what I'm going to say, I put it in the anger mgmt section because this has opened within me an anger I never knew I had. I literally shake with fury when I think about this (which is all the time)

When I was in my teens, I was severely depressed, for reasons I'll discuss in other parts of the forum at a later date. Just for now know that I could have written the book on depression and wanting to die. But I pulled myself out of it. By the time I was 21 I was no longer depressed, I was a college student with a 3.8 GPA and I was on top of the world. Until I got "The Job". This was a very good job, not only was it very good money for a guy in his early 20s, but it was also getting me valuable experience in my chosen field of study. In short, I had a plan and was putting it into action.

Then I made a mistake. I took a better offer from another employer. When my old boss tried to talk me out of my two weeks notice, I calmly explained that it had nothing to do with her business only that I had a better opportunity elsewhere. At this she became very angry and said "people regret when they leave here"

Well, I didn't take her seriously and when my two weeks notice was up I naturally gathered my things and said goodbye to the staff and went to work at my new job the very next day (no day off). Well, everything was going great at my new job until I was contacted by police. When I went to speak with the police, they had not told me why I was there. As soon as they came into the room, they began to accuse me of scratching up my employer's three Mercedes. I could not believe it. Not only was I at work all day they claimed a witness had seen me do it, but my ex boss never has all three of her cars at her business at one time and I never knew where she lived. In short, I was being set up.

The cops were so hateful to me, they screamed and cussed at me. When finally they let me go I thought it was over. Then they showed up at my new job and arrested me, I was taken out in handcuffs in front of my boss and a room full of clients. I was fired for this. I was also charged with two felony counts of property damage and one misdemeanor. But I was unconcerned, I had a timecard proving I was at work during the exact hours the unnamed "witness" claimed to have seen me scratching her cars. I knew I would win.

Then, weird things started happening. The prosecutor was called out of town just before one trial date, so the prosecution had to ask for a continuance. Then the judge had to postpone the next trial date due to a banquet. Finally, by the time we were ready for the trial and it started, my lawyer noticed a discrepancy in the numbers. To make a long story short, the auto shop that had repainted the vehicles had combined the costs on one of the bills, making it look like damages were more expensive than they really were. Instead of two felonies, the charges were reduced to one felony and two misdemeanors. In light of this change, my lawyer asked for a continuance so he could prepare anew in light of the changes. The judge said the defense has continued the case twice already and that I was playing with the system. Note that the two continuances I was accused of were actually on the part of the prosecutor and the judge. This was actually the first continuance asked for by the defense. Didn't matter. The judge revoked my bond and sent me to jail pending trial two months later. I lost my new job (I had gotten a job at Wendy's) and I fell so far behind in my schoolwork I eventually had to drop out.

After 3 weeks in jail, I decided to take the plea bargain just to get out of jail. I still thought I had time to catch up on my studies so I wanted out as soon as possible, even though I had iron clad evidence that I was innocent. But that's not the worst of it. In the hearing the prosecutor read the ex boss' statements, and she claimed that she had fired me and that I had threatened her. She claimed she did not trust me and that things had gone missing and that she had fired me for that. You see how her lies are aimed towards me not getting another job?

So now here I sit, 25 years old and living with my mom. I had it all, a great job and excellent grades. I pulled myself up out of horrible depression, I did it all myself and I worked so hard to get my life on track. It was all taken from me by a vindictive ex boss. Now every time I fill out an application I have to list the "crime" I was convicted of, and it triggers me something awful. I remember how the police laughed at me when I started crying, begging them to believe that I was innocent. I remember the judge calling me a "little punk". I remember the look on the customer's faces as I was handcuffed in front of them. I feel like something inside of me has broken, and I have a word for what it makes me feel. Hate. I now know what hate feels like. I hate this woman, the police and that judge with every fiber of my being. I carry this with me everywhere I go, how can I ever move on? Is it even possible, or are somethings so traumatic they change who you are for good?

Thanks for reading this wall of text