Losing my friends due to my anger

by lagringasarah » Sat Jan 01, 2011 11:32 am

Hi to anyone who is reading this and thankyou if you reply.

Anger has been ruining all my relationships lately. I have lost a lot of friends over the last couple of years, so many I won't have any left soon. Some of them have been draining me anyway but I have gotten to the point where I have realised I am the common denominator here. I hate the way I can't control my temper. My dad is the same way and I hate that part of him and I hate that I see it in myself.

I was an angry teenager but I didn't really express the anger, it was more directed at myself. At that age I was painfully shy and really insecure. At the age of 20 I pretty much made peace with myself and was happy for a couple of years. Then when I was 22 a close friend died and I blamed myself for his death. I won't go into the details unless someone wants me to. I have pretty much stopped blaming myself for his death but feel I could have treated him better. In all the years I was unhappy with myself I never questioned that I was a good person, but now I feel that I am a bad person and I don't know if I can ever get back to liking myself.

Over the last couple of years (I'm 24 now, soon to turn 25) I have been losing my temper a lot at all the people close to me. Then I hate myself for doing so and feel I'm a horrible person for treating them that way. And I know in my heart that until I can learn to love myself again I'm going to keep on doing this but it's so hard. I have been trying to get myself back on track by doing exercise, eating well, and meditating, esp loving-kindness meditation. But I don't really see an improvement yet. I lost it at my landlord earlier and I lost it at one of my friends a couple of days ago.

I can't go on like this. If anyone has any suggestions or just wants to tell me their story I'd appreciate it.lagringasarahConsumer 0