Sunday, June 26, 2011
Opioids
by cnidocyte » Wed Sep 22, 2010 3:48 pm I don't have anger issues normally but when I'm on I can go into a near homicidal rage very easily. The problem arrises when I direct that anger at people. Sometimes the anger is over a thing, like a slow internet connection, I'll just get pissed off at the router or my computer etc. When someone else causes me a problem and I believe it to be intentional though, my anger gets directed at them. I won't seek them out and give out to them or anything but when its the other way around like someone giving me $#%
Anger?
by tkbrice » Fri Sep 24, 2010 1:19 am Hi, i'm still fairly new, but have made a few posts in the schizoaffective forum. Today I went to group and my therapist thinks I should go into anger management. She said being destructive with things and breaking things means something seriously is wrong, and that I should talk about it. I never had much of an issue with anger until pretty recently. I think years of bottling up emotion is what's taking a toll on me. I really don't know how to control it in a healthy way...what helps for you? What helps the anger just melt away, and leaves you feeling better and possibly with a smile on your face?
I've also fairly recently started attending groups again. I'm in Bipolar Support, Confidence and Self Esteem, and Exercise group. I have found that listening to soft music helps too with the anger, and talking about things in groups help a little bit too. Right now, I'm residing in a homeless shelter, and things can get pretty stressful with people always getting hostile towards eachother. There's a lot of argument, verbal bashing, etc.
Also, I just started work at Mcdonalds. I start a full day on Saturday, and I'm afraid that the stress might get to be too much. Anyone know of any ways that I can properly deal with my anger, anxiety, and emotions while on the job...? What works for you when you're at work and you start feeling stressed?
ThankstkbriceConsumer 0
I've also fairly recently started attending groups again. I'm in Bipolar Support, Confidence and Self Esteem, and Exercise group. I have found that listening to soft music helps too with the anger, and talking about things in groups help a little bit too. Right now, I'm residing in a homeless shelter, and things can get pretty stressful with people always getting hostile towards eachother. There's a lot of argument, verbal bashing, etc.
Also, I just started work at Mcdonalds. I start a full day on Saturday, and I'm afraid that the stress might get to be too much. Anyone know of any ways that I can properly deal with my anger, anxiety, and emotions while on the job...? What works for you when you're at work and you start feeling stressed?
ThankstkbriceConsumer 0
Need help with my anger.
by jennifer2604 » Mon Sep 27, 2010 5:48 pm I have had a problem with managing anger my whole life it seems. I don't know if it means anything, but my family life was not fantastic. My parents were very heavy handed with physical and verbal discipline. My dad was the worst as far as physical, a spanking would leave me crying for hours and unable to sit down, and he actually punched me a few times. My mother was more verbal, when I had done something wrong she made me feel horribly guilty for more than just the particular thing I had done to upset her. I was told countless times that I was a mistake, that being raped at age 12 was my fault, "You're a whore and you asked for it" was what she told me. As a teenager I lived at friends houses more often than my parents, and I got into drugs which I managed to get out of. I was in counseling constantly which left me feeling worse because I had to attend with my parents, who would deny any wrongdoing of theirs and exaggerate anything I did. For instance, if I slammed a door, they would tell my doctor that I trashed the house.
Now onto the present. I am engaged and living with my fiance. His ex wife committed suicide a year ago, and he never really dealt with the grief, just started drinking and taking perks. I drank with him, quite heavily for a while until we made the decision to quit because thats when our biggest fights would occur. We never really fought before we started drinking everyday. However the fights are continuing. They're not every day anymore, but they are still happening. I have a short temper, so if he says something or does something that pisses me off, I have great difficulty being rational. It starts with me giving him the cold shoulder, or being short, and evolves. He will ask me whats wrong, and when I tell him, he defends himself, saying I'm making a big deal out of nothing, which makes me angrier because I feel I am not being listened to. So we keep snipping at each other until I get really mad, which is usually when I try to walk away. I have told him that when I get angry, I need that cool down period. I am incapable of being rational when I am angry. Sometimes he respects this, but sometimes I may have said something hurtful, or he just isnt ready to end the "discussion". If I cannot get that cooldown period, I lose it. I start yelling and screaming, slamming doors, occasionally throwing things. I get very mean and hurtful which leads him to do the same. A few times it has ended in me leaving for a few days. We love each other very much, and the thing is, our arguments are never over anything serious. It seems something just snaps inside me, where other people would be mildly irritated, I am in a rage. I try to stop it, I try to focus and calm down, but I can't. I need advice for this. I tried journalling to track what was triggering these explosions, but at one point I had got so angry and felt that everyone was against me that I wrote a suicide letter in it. Since then it has gone missing, we can't find it anywhere which leads me to believe one of his family members who is aware of the situation has taken it. If anyone has some tips on how I could control this, I would appreciate it. I feel my anger is destroying our relationship and I have to stop it.jennifer2604Consumer 0
Now onto the present. I am engaged and living with my fiance. His ex wife committed suicide a year ago, and he never really dealt with the grief, just started drinking and taking perks. I drank with him, quite heavily for a while until we made the decision to quit because thats when our biggest fights would occur. We never really fought before we started drinking everyday. However the fights are continuing. They're not every day anymore, but they are still happening. I have a short temper, so if he says something or does something that pisses me off, I have great difficulty being rational. It starts with me giving him the cold shoulder, or being short, and evolves. He will ask me whats wrong, and when I tell him, he defends himself, saying I'm making a big deal out of nothing, which makes me angrier because I feel I am not being listened to. So we keep snipping at each other until I get really mad, which is usually when I try to walk away. I have told him that when I get angry, I need that cool down period. I am incapable of being rational when I am angry. Sometimes he respects this, but sometimes I may have said something hurtful, or he just isnt ready to end the "discussion". If I cannot get that cooldown period, I lose it. I start yelling and screaming, slamming doors, occasionally throwing things. I get very mean and hurtful which leads him to do the same. A few times it has ended in me leaving for a few days. We love each other very much, and the thing is, our arguments are never over anything serious. It seems something just snaps inside me, where other people would be mildly irritated, I am in a rage. I try to stop it, I try to focus and calm down, but I can't. I need advice for this. I tried journalling to track what was triggering these explosions, but at one point I had got so angry and felt that everyone was against me that I wrote a suicide letter in it. Since then it has gone missing, we can't find it anywhere which leads me to believe one of his family members who is aware of the situation has taken it. If anyone has some tips on how I could control this, I would appreciate it. I feel my anger is destroying our relationship and I have to stop it.jennifer2604Consumer 0
Hit my wife -- is this an anger management issue?
by workNprogress » Tue Oct 12, 2010 1:40 am So, I have been married 3 years. My wife has serious anger management issues. I've always been very calm, but her destructiveness (screaming obscenities at me over something trivial like her anger I am not more interested in her gardening ideas while our little children are crying and screaming at her to stop) can really push my buttons. We generally have a blow up about once a month. Yes, I've considered it is related to PMS, but my issue here is my own behavior, not my wife's.
With concerted effort on both our parts, we went 2 months without a major blow up, until yesterday. The kids were napping. My wife expressed her opinion I caused our daughter grief when I took our son to the store a week ago. My reasons were very practical -- my son was ready to walk out the door, I was trying to run a quick errand as a favor to my wife, I figured leaving her with just our daughter instead of both kids would be doing her an additional favor, my daughter is still in diapers which means a production whenever we leave the house of preparing a diaper bag, bringing a bottle of milk, and my daughter is much more bonded to her mother than to me (our son is the opposite) which raises the specter that my daughter might realize at the store that her mother is not in sight and have a melt down. The easiest thing to do was take my son. As I was walking out the door with him, my daughter went to follow us (she follows her older brother everywhere) and I shooed her back inside. My wife said something like, "Oh, she feels left out," and I said something like,"Oh, she's not missing out, I'm sure she's going to be doing something special here..."
I was hinting -- strongly -- that my wife should distract our daughter from feeling like she was missing out, by getting her excited about something they would do at home while I was gone, like have tea party or go on a treasure hunt, or whatever. The point is, a 2 year old is very easy to distract and can get excited about almost anything. When I got back from the store, my wife hits me with the news that my daughter was hysterically upset that she was left behind, and she thinks it is my fault because I have now taken my son but not my daughter three times in a row on errands of this sort over the past 2 months. Again, my reasoning was always based on practicality -- these are quick errands and my son is old enough to hop in the car -- and I never figured my wife was so unable or unwilling to distract my daughter from feeling as if she was being left out.
So all week, my wife keeps bringing this issue back up, of me not treating our daughter fairly. I have spent the last week wracking my brains on how to tell my wife that I really think she could have tried harder to make staying home something special for our daughter so she didn't feel left out. It's exactly the sort of thing I would have done without even being asked. To me, it's what parents do, as partners, to help each other. I wanted my wife to realize she could have made an effort to make my daughter feel like she was going to do something special so she would not feel left out simply because she was being left at home. I did not say anything for a week because I feared it would set my wife into a rage. Anything that seems critical of her parenting does that.
Finally, yesterday, she made a comment again about my not taking our daughter a week ago. I finally said something about how I thought there were two sides to that, and I thought she could and should have made an effort to get our daughter excited about staying home, instead of reinforcing that she was being left out by saying stuff like, "oh, don't worry, you'll get to go another time." That sort of stuff just reinforced that she WAS being left out of something special. As I had feared, this threw my wife into a rage. She started shouting how I don't love my daughter like my son and how I ignore her and am causing her psychological damage. Both our kids awoke from their naps and started crying. Not knowing how to calm my wife, I left the room. My wife followed and continued yelling.
I told her to stop and think of the kids. She did not. I said it over and over. I shouted it. She kept on swearing at me. The kids were crying. I was holding a glass of water. Finally, I threw the water at her. She looked shocked, then she came at my swinging her fists. She's smaller than me, but strong and in better shape. She hit me a couple times, and something in me broke. I knocked her back and said, "YOu do NOT get to hit me!" I hit her again, and grabbed her, subdued her, then let her go. She came at me again swinging. I again knocked her, told her she does not get to hit me, grabbed her, immobilized her, and let her go. It happened one more time like that.
Afterwards, her view is that, as the man, the same standards do not apply, and she gets to hit me without me being allowed to hit her back. I should have subdued her by grabbing her arms without landing any blows myself. On reflection, I wish I would have done that. I've always thought I was the kind of man who would never hit a woman, even if the woman was hitting me. But at that moment she was hitting me, I was enraged that she was so out of control, so disregarding our children's emotional health, and so insistent on turning a simple discussion of differing views on child-rearing into a screaming argument -- and that she does this regularly. But part of me was also enraged at the double standard that I should let her hit me and she gets off unscathed. I probably could have subdued her without landing any blows myself, but at that moment, I wanted to land a couple blows myself. For whatever it's worth, it's not like a swung first, and it's not like I hit her after she was subdued. But I also did more than the bare minimum to subdue her.
Now that I've hit a woman for the first time in my life, I am forced to ponder what kind of man I am, how badly I am flawed, and what type of problem I have, whether it's an anger managment issue or an interpersonal issue, whether it's a function of a lot of stress I've been under, or what. Any opinions would be appreciated.workNprogressConsumer 0
With concerted effort on both our parts, we went 2 months without a major blow up, until yesterday. The kids were napping. My wife expressed her opinion I caused our daughter grief when I took our son to the store a week ago. My reasons were very practical -- my son was ready to walk out the door, I was trying to run a quick errand as a favor to my wife, I figured leaving her with just our daughter instead of both kids would be doing her an additional favor, my daughter is still in diapers which means a production whenever we leave the house of preparing a diaper bag, bringing a bottle of milk, and my daughter is much more bonded to her mother than to me (our son is the opposite) which raises the specter that my daughter might realize at the store that her mother is not in sight and have a melt down. The easiest thing to do was take my son. As I was walking out the door with him, my daughter went to follow us (she follows her older brother everywhere) and I shooed her back inside. My wife said something like, "Oh, she feels left out," and I said something like,"Oh, she's not missing out, I'm sure she's going to be doing something special here..."
I was hinting -- strongly -- that my wife should distract our daughter from feeling like she was missing out, by getting her excited about something they would do at home while I was gone, like have tea party or go on a treasure hunt, or whatever. The point is, a 2 year old is very easy to distract and can get excited about almost anything. When I got back from the store, my wife hits me with the news that my daughter was hysterically upset that she was left behind, and she thinks it is my fault because I have now taken my son but not my daughter three times in a row on errands of this sort over the past 2 months. Again, my reasoning was always based on practicality -- these are quick errands and my son is old enough to hop in the car -- and I never figured my wife was so unable or unwilling to distract my daughter from feeling as if she was being left out.
So all week, my wife keeps bringing this issue back up, of me not treating our daughter fairly. I have spent the last week wracking my brains on how to tell my wife that I really think she could have tried harder to make staying home something special for our daughter so she didn't feel left out. It's exactly the sort of thing I would have done without even being asked. To me, it's what parents do, as partners, to help each other. I wanted my wife to realize she could have made an effort to make my daughter feel like she was going to do something special so she would not feel left out simply because she was being left at home. I did not say anything for a week because I feared it would set my wife into a rage. Anything that seems critical of her parenting does that.
Finally, yesterday, she made a comment again about my not taking our daughter a week ago. I finally said something about how I thought there were two sides to that, and I thought she could and should have made an effort to get our daughter excited about staying home, instead of reinforcing that she was being left out by saying stuff like, "oh, don't worry, you'll get to go another time." That sort of stuff just reinforced that she WAS being left out of something special. As I had feared, this threw my wife into a rage. She started shouting how I don't love my daughter like my son and how I ignore her and am causing her psychological damage. Both our kids awoke from their naps and started crying. Not knowing how to calm my wife, I left the room. My wife followed and continued yelling.
I told her to stop and think of the kids. She did not. I said it over and over. I shouted it. She kept on swearing at me. The kids were crying. I was holding a glass of water. Finally, I threw the water at her. She looked shocked, then she came at my swinging her fists. She's smaller than me, but strong and in better shape. She hit me a couple times, and something in me broke. I knocked her back and said, "YOu do NOT get to hit me!" I hit her again, and grabbed her, subdued her, then let her go. She came at me again swinging. I again knocked her, told her she does not get to hit me, grabbed her, immobilized her, and let her go. It happened one more time like that.
Afterwards, her view is that, as the man, the same standards do not apply, and she gets to hit me without me being allowed to hit her back. I should have subdued her by grabbing her arms without landing any blows myself. On reflection, I wish I would have done that. I've always thought I was the kind of man who would never hit a woman, even if the woman was hitting me. But at that moment she was hitting me, I was enraged that she was so out of control, so disregarding our children's emotional health, and so insistent on turning a simple discussion of differing views on child-rearing into a screaming argument -- and that she does this regularly. But part of me was also enraged at the double standard that I should let her hit me and she gets off unscathed. I probably could have subdued her without landing any blows myself, but at that moment, I wanted to land a couple blows myself. For whatever it's worth, it's not like a swung first, and it's not like I hit her after she was subdued. But I also did more than the bare minimum to subdue her.
Now that I've hit a woman for the first time in my life, I am forced to ponder what kind of man I am, how badly I am flawed, and what type of problem I have, whether it's an anger managment issue or an interpersonal issue, whether it's a function of a lot of stress I've been under, or what. Any opinions would be appreciated.workNprogressConsumer 0
Tips on how to deal with anger.
by puppyluva » Fri Oct 22, 2010 1:37 am For the people who get angry often and end up breaking things alot or get violent with people or there partners a good idea which can help some people is by buying a big bean bag or lots of teddys and when you get angry you throw the teddys instead or you throw/hit the bean bag. sounds silly but it is better than breaking things that you will regret or hurting someone and causing pain or death to that person as we all know violence can lead to that. Not saying all angry people are violent.
Or...
Train yourself to think of something nice, when i get angry i have trained myself to go get my hamster out of his cage and cuddle him and talk to him. Anything that cheers you up. I call say to myself ''Ok, i am stressed HAMSTER TIME'' Or i say to myself ''Can't be arsed, i am having a cup of tea and BAN myself from talking or thinking till at least i have finished my cup of tea i just lay back on the chair or sofa and take my time driinking my tea. I have also taken up hobbies that helps too, i start writing, reading, drawing and painting or singing my emotions out.
Hope it helps youpuppyluvaConsumer 2
Or...
Train yourself to think of something nice, when i get angry i have trained myself to go get my hamster out of his cage and cuddle him and talk to him. Anything that cheers you up. I call say to myself ''Ok, i am stressed HAMSTER TIME'' Or i say to myself ''Can't be arsed, i am having a cup of tea and BAN myself from talking or thinking till at least i have finished my cup of tea i just lay back on the chair or sofa and take my time driinking my tea. I have also taken up hobbies that helps too, i start writing, reading, drawing and painting or singing my emotions out.
Hope it helps youpuppyluvaConsumer 2
Delete this post please, it's no longer relevant.
by VelvetNight » Sun Oct 24, 2010 11:47 pm Clue in the title. There should be a delete button I think.Last edited by VelvetNight on Wed Nov 03, 2010 1:05 pm, edited 2 times in total.You don't have to be crazy, but it helps
I blackout when angry and i can't control it
Open Discussions about Anger and Anger Management.
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